This has been making me crazy

I will be posting about our fantastic Memorial weekend, but this going to be a post of a different nature.  As silly as it might sound I belong to a group on facebook just for wives of Marine recruiters.  It has been a nice support group because only another recruiter wife has any idea of how horrible recruiting duty can be.  It has been great because the group is spread out across the country, and it really helps to see different view points, or how things are done differently in another area.  Sometimes though as it tends to be when you get a group of women together there is drama.

A member posted that they are thinking about moving home with their kids getting an apartment and a job while her husband is on RD (recruiting duty). She wanted to know if anyone had actually done this, and what people thought.  She also said that they weren't talking about a divorce.  Recruiting duty is a three year duty.  A few posted that it wasn't like we saw our husbands much anyway.  This is what I said: 

I have to agree with ------- and-------. I just can't imagine that being apart would be something that would benefit both of you. I know for myself when I would go home it was helpful to me because I had my family etc, but it was very hard on my husband. He would call me asking when I was going to be home because he needed me. Even though we barely see each other my being here to support him is very important to him. I think he'd be a mess if he was having to go through this alone. I know for us it would just add more stress of him missing me and the kids. I also agree with the sex and cheating thing. I have complete trust in my husband, but I also think why put that temptation out there. Maybe you could just go home for some longish visits? See what is like, give yourself a bit of a break. Of course only the two of you know what is the best for your marriage and sanity through this RD process. Hope you can work it out! :)

Sunday at 2:42pm · 

I was agreeing with two women, but I removed their names.  One of them flat our said that men need sex (women for that matter too) and you are going to be separated for 3 years.  This post really riled some people up people started saying that this isn't the 1950's, and why do women have to put things on hold, or why do they have to follow their man around? Um, maybe because you married a Marine? Maybe, because you are in the lifestyle of the military? This just really shocks me.  I just don't understand someone choosing to leave their husband alone just so they can move home to their parents so things will be easier on them.  The girl flat out said it is because she wants to work.  If it is some type of circumstances where financially this is what is going to be best for your family then yes, sacrifices have to be made.  If you want to work then work what is stopping you?  Yes, you might not be near family, but there are single moms out there that go to work everyday.  Everyday, they take their kids to daycare, and everyday they make it work.  

She also stated that she wanted to move home because she was tired of hearing her husband complain, and was tired of having to deal with it.  How someone could just leave their spouse at a time in his life when he's going through one of the most stressful times in his career I just don't get it.  On the flip side several said that they agreed that if the wife had a career then she shouldn't be expected to just pack up and move.  I'm sorry I just don't get it, and maybe because I have never been in this type of situation, but you married a Marine, or you were married and then your husband chose to become a Marine.  Seriously, what do they think being part of the military is about? You move and sometimes every three  years.  Someone else mentioned not living with her husband because she was close to home, and she had friends and a life established where she was.  By this point I was sitting screaming at my computer. You aren't moving because you have friends? FRIENDS?! Are you kidding me?! I just DO NOT get it, and maybe I sound judgmental because to each their own, and different strokes and all that.  

I talked about it with Zach and he was just as flabbergasted as I was.  I guess I just don't understand why you would get married, and then have children for that matter if you aren't going to live with your spouse.  Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about? For better or for worse? I completely understand going home for a long visit or taking a break for a bit because this duty is so isolating, and it would be nice to have some family to support you.  Someone said that they did do something like this where they didn't live with their husband, but when they did see each other that it was awesome.  Well, yeah it is going to be awesome.  It is called the honeymoon phase, and military families get to experience it throughout our marriages.  Every time our spouses comeback from a deployment, time in the field, or anything else that might separate us.  Yes, it is wonderful but it also isn't real.  You can't base your marriage on those feelings of euphoria of seeing each other after a long separation.  

Another wife said that she is dealing with a similar issue of her husband wanting her and their child to move home after recruiting duty because their child will be of school age, and he doesn't want his child to be moved around school to school.  Again. What?! I just don't get it.  Isn't having a father figure more important than what moving around might do to a kid? Zach said it sounds like these are just couples that are too afraid for whatever reason to admit that they want a divorce.  

I have never been in a situation like this, but if I was I would be doing whatever I had to to keep our family together.  I especially, wouldn't be abandoning my husband when he's under the most stress he has ever been under.