Life at 1572: Getting Nowhere Fast

Getting Nowhere Fast

I have so much stress in my life right now it is a wonder I am not bald.  Just when I think one thing is over with another thing pops up.  We had some major family stresses over the summer, that I was just starting to feel like maybe I could talk about it.  Now, not so much.  I am pretty superstitious when it comes to things.  When things aren't going well for some reason I feel like talking about them is just going to make it worse.  Let this next bump in the road smooth out, and maybe I can bring it up.  What I can't figure out is what to do all day.  The stress and the anxiety eats me up inside.  It consumes my brain.  I can't sleep.  This is why I am up at 3:00 in the morning.  I cry, I get mad, and I worry, worry, worry.  When people say not to worry that whatever is going to happen will happen, I want to kick those people in the shin.  These days when things go down it doesn't just have an affect on me, I have two kids I have to worry about.  

I feel like every time I start to make some headway I just slam into another brick wall.  I mean seriously when is this rain cloud going to leave? So the stress consumes me and I hate it.  I sit and I think about my Mom.  I think about how I would do anything to be able to talk to her.  Anything to be able to talk things through with her.  Anything to have that love and support from her.  Instead I sit here.  My brain all mushy, my cheeks tear stained, and I worry.  

1 comment:

Michelle Leigh said...

Oh Amy, I'm so sad to read this. About a year and a half ago I was in the same place. I would lay awake and just worry, about anything and everything. It was terrible. I was mean and not a happy person. Have you been to a doctor? I've been on Zoloft now for 1 1/2 years and it has made an incredible difference in my life. Of course the stresses won't go away, but it helps your brain cope with them better. Just a thought. I just hate to see someone feel like this, it brings back bad memories. Take care of yourself.

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